Letting go

I thought I should say that things are *much* improved here, for now. M is using the potty- hurray! And my floors are as clean as they ever are, probably more so after the recent activities.

In my last post I mentioned really letting go of my attachment to M pooing somewhere "appropriate" and in a place of my choosing. Instead I decided to really go with his flow, and desire to poo all over the floor. I completely, willingly gave up trying to control the situation. It was a hard thing for me to do: my conditioned response to poo on the floor was "EEEEEW". I suspect most people would be the same.

Well, just giving M this space and freedom seems to have been what was needed to move that little phase on. Phew! I really wasn't that bothered about it happening once I decided I would stop fighting it, but I am glad it doesn't seem to be becoming a regular thing. I really had hoped it wouldn't be a long term solution.

I have also realised that, like his Dad, M really values his privacy and much prefers to go at home without company! E wasn't like this until very recently. Maybe it's a male/female toilet thing, which is a BIG debate topic in our house! I'm not going to get started on that one just now though....

Upset

If EC is all about honouring communication, I am definitely still practising EC, despite having missed catching almost every single poo and wee for over a week now!

Poor M has had some vile tummy upset. The urge to poo kept taking him by surprise- a little and often, messy affair.  I quickly decided not to let him roam around with a nakey bum! I feel like I've washed more nappies in the last week than I have in the whole time since Esme was born! Good job we've had lovely weather and they've all been drying on the line. How on earth do people do full time nappying? I feel so awful scraping poo off his bum, and cleaning out the dirty nappies is not much fun either. 

Anyway, the tummy upset seems to have subsided but he flat refuses to go anywhere near his bucket now. I had been hoping we could stop using it and get him on a pot/the loo/something else: "So!" think I, optimistically, "this is an opportunity for change". 

However, M's choice of "something else" turns out to be the floor. He is quite clear that he doesn't want to be held, put on a potty, helped, moved or interfered with at all. Hence he has been wetting and pooing in his pants a lot, which he isn't that happy about either. If I take off his pants, he will happily "go" anywhere and everywhere, though he is smart enough to move away from it most of the time. In the Continuum Concept Jean Leidloff says the Yequana simply move the children out of the hut if they "sully" (what a great word!) the floor. Outside is not the most practical place to teach M to go, so I've just been showing him the potty and telling him that's "the place". 

Even though he's not wanting to sit for me, he does still grunt and shout for his nappy to come off when he needs to go, a small mercy. But I can't just let him crap on the floor everywhere. Or can I?....Tonight I trialled containing him in the bathroom, just letting him go where he wanted and picking up the poo and cleaning and disinfecting as he moved about....UGH. He seemed happy with this arrangement, but I am very far from pleased! Definitely not a solution for me. 

Ah, I really, really, really, really, really hope this passes soon. Bring on the next phase, PLEASE!

I suppose this is all my fault for saying I had nothing to write about....... 

Funny how they test us, i was just thinking how it might actually be getting a bit easier at long last.

At last!...

....I update the blog! I have been distracted and engrossed in life the last few weeks but feel slightly disappointed in myself each time I steal a look at Sue Ann's page and the bit under my heading that says " 3 weeks ago..."

Not much to tell on the EC front. I have abandoned the little knickers for now as I was getting through too many pairs of trousers! Missing wees combined with a growth spurt on M's part meant I was running out of clothes for him. I've discovered that I can get away with not using a wrap on the cloth nappy which is a sort of cheat's way to do training pants I suppose. If I miss a big wee his pants do get wet so the incentive to get him pottied is definitely there, almost as powerful as with the knickers. But at the same time a little wee is not going to soak him, or me so I have a little more leeway. And it's nice to be able to check the state of the nappy without it being all sweaty and hard to get at.

Strike wise we seem to be over the poo thing, thank goodness. Still the occasional moment where I've been a little slow (read lazy and/or determined to read the paper without distraction on a Saturday morning...where's your Dad?) but more or less 100% clean. Phew. He is still resistant to actually sitting on the potty so I am still holding him on his bucket or over a potty. Actually, he is pretty resistant to that unless he has some fascinating and novel distraction, hence our phone stopped working due to dribble this week! ;) Not sure when or how I am going to get him on a "proper" receptacle but we'll figure that out later. A wee (and sometimes a poo) in the great outdoors is always a dead cert, no distraction required!

M is a most communicative little boy, bless him. He's been chatting away for a few months now..banana, Dada, Nana (for Mama) Eddy (for Esme), caaaat but he actually said "weeeeeeeeee" the other day which was brilliant. At 11 months he finally cut his first tooth, the upper left front one, on Monday. And he says, "eeeeeeeeeth. owwwwwwwww." points into my mouth and signs pain!

So what's been distracting me? Reading novels, making onion marmalade, baking muffins for J to take to work and share, and I admit it, watching the BBC iPlayer! Hey, it's winter and I've watched no telly for 4 years so a little light entertainment won't do me too much harm. I've been reflecting on what I've been watching with friends online and at LLL today so perhaps I will share some thoughts on what I've seen here soon. But not now or I won't have anything to say for another 3 weeks ;)

peace and love to everyone XXX

Caught off guard

I take back everything I said about being more relaxed with the potty strike situation. Despite my best efforts to be cool like the Fonz, it's been tough the last week or so.

For some reason, after months of being clean, M suddenly decided he didn't want to poo on the pot ;( I knew he needed to go, offered him the pot and he arched his back off it, and made it quite clear he wanted to be on the floor. When I put him down (nappy free) he immediately, and unceremoniously dumped on the floor! He was also steathily depositing massive poos into his nappy, and seeming quite pleased about it. Oh nooooooo.

I cannot deny that I've felt uncomfortable with this situation. I'm usually pretty pleased to greet a poo on the pot but it's so different when it's in the pants. Anyway, after 4 consecutive days of messy bums it seems to have improved. BUT it was a stark reminder to stay relaxed and not be results focused.

I am still pondering why he might have done this. He's keeping me on my toes.
Anyway, he is so bloomin cute and funny, I can forgive him......

BRAVE NEW PANTS!

Hooray! I finally found some itsy-bitsy tiny little briefs for Magnus! 

Most of the shops seem to start their knickers for age 2-3, when most kids seems to start going on the potty. 18 months were the smallest I found so far and they were still too big for his wee bum. But today, I went to Boots to exchange some electronic tat M was given for Christmas and managed to buy 15 pairs of 12m pants for the bargain price of £3! (3 packs of 5 at £1 a pack, down from £4 each.) Result! 

So, the first thing I did when we got back was put them on, he seemed pretty pleased as far as I could tell, that is, he had a bit of a grope and then carried on as normal ;) Then we went out gathering food supplies. I sat him on a prefold/nappy wrap in the car seat, just in case. He was wriggling in the shop so when we got outside I just whipped his pants down and he peed in the car park, even though it was freezing! And then I just pulled them up again. It was so much easier than messing about getting a nappy on and off. Ah it sounds so daft writing it down but really, it was revolutionary after the struggle of doing a wee out and about up to now. He was dry til bedtime. 

I don't know if this may be the start of no nappies for us. Some ECers are *really* brave (in my book) and go nappy free from the start, but for me I couldn't take the risk of getting covered in wee all over my clothes, and wrap as I was wearing him constantly. Actually I found the signals harder to read when he was up on my back. 

In retrospect though, I wonder if a lot of the misses we have/had are because of the delay I might make helping Mags to go- it is a pain having to get a cloth nappy (we use Mother Ease) off/on again, especially when you're peeing a tiny baby who goes more often. If we are ever crazy enough to have any more babies maybe I will be brave from the start..... if not I may never know....

Missing

Gosh look how long it is since I've written here!....how time flies. I've been missing writing here but I've been struggling to channel my energy in lots of different directions! 

Been finding Motherhood gruelling of late, I never seem to have "enough" to meet everyone's needs. I am struggling to find the balance at the moment, I don't want anyone to miss out but sooner or later we are going to hit a real problem when I conk out from exhaustion....

Anyhow, all's more or less well in our world. EC has been going well. Magnus has learned to hang on for quite a while for a wee, and is being very communicative about it, in different ways than before. If he's on my hip he'll squeeze me with his legs and jiggle around. He also makes it quite clear if he doesn't want to go and will arch up his back. You have to be careful though, as this also means a poo is on it's way when he's needing to go. And BOY does my little guy produce some whopping poos. Not that suprising since he ate breakfast solidly for about an hour this morning! 

My theory that all babies hang on is growing firmer in my mind. I've seen friends babies who do a poo in each nappy, or small poos frequently throughout the day. I'm sure if they had chance to "get it all out" in one go they would do. Having seen some of the offerings Mags has done lately I can understand why a child wouldn't want to "let go" of all that into their pants. Poor wee things.

That said, I have missed more poos in the last month or so than I ever did with Esme. I think this is largely due to lack of attention: in the mornings I have been responding to Esme's urgent demands for pancakes (spoilt little brat she is at the moment...) and have missed Magnus' signals. Each time I feel a sense of dismay. I also missed a poo due to a soapbox rant one morning: I was so enraged by stories of inept breastfeeding support in the LLL magazine that I wasn't tuned in. Anyway, I have still only ever missed the very first bits of his enormous turds, and I can still count these occasions on one hand. All in all at nearly 9 months old Magnus is a lucky, clean bottomed boy. (He's going to hate me for this isn't he?!!)

Night times have been pretty good too- sleep periods lengthened considerably when I put M down on a sheepskin. I think he had been feeling chilly and waking up more. Now I know he will pee each time he wakes. We have had quite a few dry nights, which is nice. This is quite tiring though and on some (very cold) nights I have been too lazy to sit up and pee him. This backfires as he doesn't sleep well with a cold soggy cloth nappy on him so really I should just haul myself up each time. Not that easy when it's snug under the duvet and it's the 3rd time he's woken up that night....ah for an unbroken night's sleep.....

Apart from missing poos and sleep, I am missing my friends a lot ;( 

We've all been blighted by illness for a while so hoping for a healthy month ahead so we can do lots of cosy crafting and seasonal bonding together. 

I've lost the pot.....

I've been having a very successful time with ECing Magnus lately, including quite a few 100% dry and clean days. I don't remember having this with Esme 'til she was much older, he is only just six months old.

I've been feeling pretty upbeat about pottying and my confidence must be rubbing off on him: I've been doing it out and about (on Levenshulme High St waiting for the bus, in public loos, Whitworth Art Gallery!...) and even managed to keep him totally dry throughout the day on Saturday at a family wedding where he was passed about the relatives like a happy little parcel ;) Often when he's not close I lose my sense of when he wants to go but he was holding on for ages and telling me very clearly.

I''ve found my ideal travel potty, in the form of a small IKEA mixing bowl with a lid, part of a set I already owned and hadn't thought to adopt for this purpose. Unfortunately, I seem to have misplaced it. After re-tracing my steps, the last place I can think of using it is the Peel Arms in Padfield, where we had pub grub on Sunday before we went to Padfield Plum Festival. Magnus weed in it, impressing his family and raising the eyebrows of a couple of baffled looking locals. I put the bowl (lid on) under the "banquette" thing.... and forgot it. ]

If the pub people have found it they must wonder what sort of strange "not-local" folks have been visiting for their festival. Who on earth would leave a small bowl of urine under a bench in the pub?!! Granny wonders if she should try to retrieve it but how would one go about asking for this back?

As I mention confidence above, I would like to say how easy it is for this to be sapped by others' negative vibes. With EC (and most other things parenting related) I am usually pretty thick skinned. But the same local lady who sneered at Magnus weeing in his bowl in the Peel Arms was staring at me as I santa-tossed him over my shoulder to wrap him on: I had a real wobble, nearly dropped him and couldn't do it. A total physical/mental block on babywearing. Perhaps she was a witch! Or maybe I just felt her thoughts: "how dangerous....." ;(
Must work on strengthening my protective bubble when up in the windy wilds of the peaks!

There are no shortcuts in Bushcraft

The wise words of Ray Mears also ring true with nighttime EC, as I found to my dismay the other night. 

Night time is perhaps the easiest and most difficult time to EC for me. A (concentrated!) pee is pretty much guaranteed after hours of sleep. If Magnus does wet his nappy he's difficult to settle properly and he stirs more, so it makes sense to catch it instead of doing a nappy change. I then get him back a deep sleep as soon as possible. To facilitate this I have a bucket by the bed and I just sit up and sit Magnus on it (sometimes whilst nursing to keep him nice and quiet) in the dark. It's a faff getting the nappy back on but we manage ok. 

The other night I caught a particularly large wee at the time of our dream feed when I go up to bed. Then in the early hours at his next awakening, in a sleepy haze, i decided to put the bucket on the bed for pee time instead of sitting up. How lazy am I??! Well it backfired, oh yes, the enormous, strong wee from earlier drenched my bed, blanket, pillow, the lot ;( 

My daughter woke suddenly proclaiming "IT'S WET!". Bed stripped, 2 more potty trips for us girls and a very full load of washing for the morning. 

Ah well. I won't try to cut that corner again! 

Regularity and receptacles.....

Producing a poo seems to have become an every other day event for Magnus. It's slightly alarming how he doesn't need to go one day, and then every time he's on his bucket the next! Still, it's only a phase...every time they get into a groove it changes!

I am struggling to find a good (travel) receptacle this time. At home he seems to like his bucket but I can't carry that about really, apart from to LLL where nobody cares how indiscreet we are!For Esme the trifle bowl was perfect, but I can't sit him into a bowl enough for his wee to go down, it comes over the top. I bought a travel potty on ebay, but when it arrived it is MASSIVE....way, way too big for his tiny bottom. It would take up my entire bag. I am going to have to keep on letting him pee into a cloth and taking him to the loo whenever I can for now. Thankfully his pees are becoming less frequent as he's older now (nearly 6 months) so weeing is causing fewer interruptions to the flow of our activities. The downside of this being they are stronger so if I get peed on it is a bit more whiffy! Ah the joy....

Some thoughts on EC , at last!

'kay, so I really should start blogging about EC ;)

I don't really know what to write! It's just so much part of what we do with Magnus, that I almost forget it is a freakishly un-normal thing to even think of for most people. I've stopped mentioning it and just get on with it most of the time....bring on the stares! The only time I feel inclined to say anything is if someone suggests he has a pooey nappy, in which case I usually mention that he doesn't do that, and start (or leave) a conversation from there. Most people I have spoken to have been really positive, and amazed that we do this.

I am amazed more people haven't realised this is possible. If we can house train dogs and cats, why would our babies be any different?

When you actually tune in to what babies are saying when they start fussing and crying, it's really quite obvious that they are often telling us they need to go. EC is definitely a case of positive reinforcement, if we respond to signals they get stronger. If they're ignored, baby is eventually going to stop saying something as nobody helps them stay clean, no matter how hard they try to make their need known. My friend, a novice ECer with a 5 month baby, told me that her baby was delighted when she took off the nappy and made a grunty cue noise for a poo: her little face spun round and lit up as she relieved herself! Fabulous!

I really feel quite sorry that the majority of babies spend their time in nasty disposable nappies that (don't) rot in landfills or in cold, soggy cloth nappies. I recently visited a day nursery for the first time- Esme had asked to look around there as a few of her friends go and the peer pressure thing is kicking in. I was taken to the baby room where I was told that nappies were "changed at 10am, 12noon and 2pm, more if they were dirty, of course". I couldn't stop myself from almost screaming "He's not coming!". It made me shudder to think of leaving Magnus at all, but UGH to have him sitting in his wee more or less all day ;(

I don't think this is our biologically evolved expectation. It's "convenient" to ignore elimination, and big business would have us think it's impossible to do anything else. I'm really proud that we are proving to our society that there is another way, even if this must seem completely obvious to millions of people around the world.