Upset

If EC is all about honouring communication, I am definitely still practising EC, despite having missed catching almost every single poo and wee for over a week now!

Poor M has had some vile tummy upset. The urge to poo kept taking him by surprise- a little and often, messy affair.  I quickly decided not to let him roam around with a nakey bum! I feel like I've washed more nappies in the last week than I have in the whole time since Esme was born! Good job we've had lovely weather and they've all been drying on the line. How on earth do people do full time nappying? I feel so awful scraping poo off his bum, and cleaning out the dirty nappies is not much fun either. 

Anyway, the tummy upset seems to have subsided but he flat refuses to go anywhere near his bucket now. I had been hoping we could stop using it and get him on a pot/the loo/something else: "So!" think I, optimistically, "this is an opportunity for change". 

However, M's choice of "something else" turns out to be the floor. He is quite clear that he doesn't want to be held, put on a potty, helped, moved or interfered with at all. Hence he has been wetting and pooing in his pants a lot, which he isn't that happy about either. If I take off his pants, he will happily "go" anywhere and everywhere, though he is smart enough to move away from it most of the time. In the Continuum Concept Jean Leidloff says the Yequana simply move the children out of the hut if they "sully" (what a great word!) the floor. Outside is not the most practical place to teach M to go, so I've just been showing him the potty and telling him that's "the place". 

Even though he's not wanting to sit for me, he does still grunt and shout for his nappy to come off when he needs to go, a small mercy. But I can't just let him crap on the floor everywhere. Or can I?....Tonight I trialled containing him in the bathroom, just letting him go where he wanted and picking up the poo and cleaning and disinfecting as he moved about....UGH. He seemed happy with this arrangement, but I am very far from pleased! Definitely not a solution for me. 

Ah, I really, really, really, really, really hope this passes soon. Bring on the next phase, PLEASE!

I suppose this is all my fault for saying I had nothing to write about....... 

Funny how they test us, i was just thinking how it might actually be getting a bit easier at long last.

Good vibes

I just looked over my last few posts and really felt my lack of positive energy for the EC process coming through. 

Charndra commented on my last post, highlighting the need to enjoy the journey rather than looking to the destination, which I honestly think I do in my everyday life as an ECer. A miss is really not a big deal for me. However, looking back, my musings here don't come across that way. There's much talk of the practicalities and results of EC, and little of the joys! 

The very best thing about EC, without doubt, is knowing what your baby is saying to you. Having enough closeness and intimate knowledge of your child's desires to keep everything on an even keel, sort of pre-emptive parenting, is magical ;) Nothing to do with pants, potties, pee and poo really. Even when your child is on a potty strike, like M now, knowing that they are needing to go but definitely resisting for some reason or another, is important. So, never mind talking about "good EC" in terms of what I'm catching....I'll try and focus on how EC, or the knowledge and communication skills we have developed through EC, is shaping my little boy and our relationship now. 

M is really blossoming and reaching out to interact with everyone. Of course, he has been communicating with me since he was born. He's always been pretty social, but this last week or so has seen a definite surge of his energy going into new ways of making himself heard both with me and others. It's interesting that he's been poorly with a nasty virus of some sort and a high fever, and after the illness he's taken a huge leap forward. 

Some general examples. He suddenly seems to be signing a lot more, mainly to chat- remarking on the sky, birds, cats, diggers, being home. Verbally he is saying down, dog (doooh), grape, din din din (combined with  gestures towards food he would like!) and loads more. He joined in with a chorus of "down down down" at the right place when I played the Grand Old duke of York on the piano last week, recognising the tune immediately. He is following instructions and responding to complex questions: I asked him what he thought would happen next as he was watching the washing machine fill and he waved his arm round and round in a circle with a  big grin on his face. Sweet. He sometimes asks for the potty with his sign, and shakes or nods if you ask him if he wants to go. I usually know the answer, and he's not always truthful when I ask him! He sakes his head vigorously to show his lack of enthusiasm for things. 

I admit most of this interaction would be happening whether or not I'd ECd him. But I do honestly believe that his desire to communicate, and his confidence stem from having been listened to and respected from day one in every sense, including needing to go potty. 

Caught off guard

I take back everything I said about being more relaxed with the potty strike situation. Despite my best efforts to be cool like the Fonz, it's been tough the last week or so.

For some reason, after months of being clean, M suddenly decided he didn't want to poo on the pot ;( I knew he needed to go, offered him the pot and he arched his back off it, and made it quite clear he wanted to be on the floor. When I put him down (nappy free) he immediately, and unceremoniously dumped on the floor! He was also steathily depositing massive poos into his nappy, and seeming quite pleased about it. Oh nooooooo.

I cannot deny that I've felt uncomfortable with this situation. I'm usually pretty pleased to greet a poo on the pot but it's so different when it's in the pants. Anyway, after 4 consecutive days of messy bums it seems to have improved. BUT it was a stark reminder to stay relaxed and not be results focused.

I am still pondering why he might have done this. He's keeping me on my toes.
Anyway, he is so bloomin cute and funny, I can forgive him......

It's just a phase....

It's funny how little phases of behaviour seem so important when you're stuck in the middle of them, and then before you know it you've forgotten they ever even happened.

Like potty "strikes". I'd completely forgotten about the way Esme used to decide she absolutely *was not* going to go on the pot, despite both her and I knowing she really needed to. She'd communicate this by arching her back, crying, sometimes just getting off and bum shuffling away. I always found it a bit frustrating: it was hard to just go with it, when it meant there'd be a wet nappy or puddle on the floor seconds later. The "proper" behaviour would always come back, whether or not I got stressed and uptight about it.

Magnus has served a reminder of the potty strike for me throughout the tail end of 2008, though so far this year he is much less resistant to going (thank goodness!). Happy New Year by the way....

His strikes, pauses, whatever you want to call them, have differed from Esme's. Actually many other aspects of mothering him are very different to how I was with her, but I'll ramble if I try and go into that now... I think I've been a lot more laid back about losing the pottying groove, and also more creative. I discovered his refusal to wee on the travel "bowl" when out and about was indicative of his desire to go like a big boy on the real toilet ;) I've also found that he really likes having a distraction, wherever we are. For Esme this was always a book but Mags prefers something to hold and mess with when I'm holding him on the bucket. Perhaps this is a precursor to holding and messing with his willy when he's a bigger boy!

It's been less irritating for me to witness times when he's flat refused as I knew for certain it was definitely just a phase. And, our groove certainly seems to be back now. The wee man is going when he needs to, on the bowl, the loo, the bucket, in a bush.....wherever. He's also signing for his potty quite clearly and consistently, which is very helpful, and cute. Last night he was dry all night despite me being a bit lazy not taking him to the pot, which really surprised me.

I'm glad this phase of resistance seems to be passing. It's really been OK to go through it, but it's much nicer working together.