The Hills

We answered the call of this hills this weekend and took a walk near my Mum's. I've been to this place so many times, but not for a long while. It was great to return with the children.

Calf Hey Reservoir, Haslingden

Note that Esme is a dot in the distance. She was so excited to be in the hills she ran off ahead, we didn't see her for another couple of hours as she begged my Mum to walk with her over the hills and far away. Magnus' legs couldn't manage going "up bonk". He did surprisingly well walking the low route and on his scooter though....

and he's very much a big boy now in most other respects too.....no help required!

Esme and Mum finally descended from the hills. Mum said Esme had talked ALL the way and been ahead dragging her along.

 We met some nice rescue donkeys and raided the allotments (with permission) for eggs for tea.

this one bit me!

a country girl at heart 

A good day ;)

Balsam

I'm aching here. I went to a Jivamukti yoga workshop today, it was relatively short but quite different to what I normally do in Ashtanga yoga. It was really fun and challenging, and it's left me feeling excited and keen to get back into my practice groove, which has become a little erratic lately. I wish I could put an extra hour into the morning so I can fit it in there, I need some timetabled space for it, preferably not at 9pm!

I was a little worried about how I might be tempted to compare myself to all the slim and slinky hip young things at the class this morning, Jivamukti seems to be a pretty cool, rock'n'roll way to practice and I'm not really either of those things ;) 

But I'd been playing with the angel cards a friend gave me this morning and I had a mantra that really helped me stay present in the moment. "Goddess of Beauty. You are a wondrous being of light: there is nothing to change or fix." 

I wasn't for one moment tempted to wish I had a smaller bum or was better at wrapping my arms around my back or that I could do the splits. I wasn't bothered about what I looked like at all, I even forgot about the crusty impetigo on my face (Esme kindly shared with me...). This was a lovely soothing mantra to carry with me today. 

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I remember seeing these types of affirmations in the past and feeling a little embarrassed by how cheesey they seemed. As if you'd stand in the mirror and say these things to yourself! As if just saying something could really make things happen for you. Be serious! But actually, the more I've used affirmations lately, the more I'm growing to like them and the sense of calm they bring. It's like an anchor, something you've decided can hold you steady when everything around might niggle you otherwise. Perhaps they are also a way of holding space to allow things to manifest for you.

It seems there's even more power in creating your own affirmations to help with everyday situations that are challenging your inner calm, and to bring yourself good fortune. Another friend gave me the tip of being totally non-specific, so there's some flexibility about how your wishes might be fulfilled. I'll use my own recent example of uncertainty about where we might be living. It wouldn't be that helpful to say "We will sell our house and move to the house in the hills with the red door as soon as possible". The mantra I came up with in this instance was "The space our family needs to reach it's full potential will be there for us, when we are ready for it". 

By using the mantra I can allow the energy to flow to where it needs to be, I can stop myself getting carried away thinking about all the endless possibilities of what might happen by coming back to this simple phrase. It's a balsam for my overactive mind, an antidote to worry, a reminder to trust it will all work out: restorative, healing. It's got to be a good thing!

Anyway, if all that's too way out, how about a nice Balsam bath? I had one just now and it soothed my achey muscles...still not sure I'll be able to walk tomorrow though ;)

Balsam Bath Bag

Gather 2 handfuls of young pine needles. Put in a muslin bag (I actually used an old sock tonight) and (get a small child to) bruise with a wooden mallet or rolling pin. Run a hot bath and put the bag into the water.

Add essential oils of your choice- pine or eucalyptus would be good for achey muscles. Soak, relax! 

Limbo

The "For Sale" board at the front of our house went up about a month ago. We've spent at least 6 months trying to get ready (ie not full of junk and filthy) to put it on the market, and for a good year or two before that we've been talking about leaving the City. But attaching the board to the front wall was still a really scary thing to do: announcing to our neighbourhood that we're hoping to move away, inviting complete strangers to come and scrutinise our home.

It felt, at first, like a test to be passed: trying to make our home measure up to what someone might want to buy. And then I kinda gave up on that and decided that whoever views it will either like it or not. I've put so much effort and energy into getting the house ready to try and sell it. It feels nicer to be here now because I'm keeping it really clean and tidy and a lot of stuff's in storage.

Since we had a big de-clutter at Easter it's stayed just as it is, bar the recent removal of my Sheila na gig from the hearth (potentially offensive says Joel...hehhe). We realised our first viewers were sat right opposite them... it would be fairly hard to ignore her and her rather excited male counterpart, I bet they had a giggle afterwards! Anyway, whoever comes gets to see the intimate details of our family life, and a chunk of my soul in physical form, I think. That still feels like a pretty big deal....though it's getting easier.

We love our home, and if it came to our "worst case scenario" of not being able to sell it, we'd be happy to stay here. It's not a bad worst case ;) We have a nice house, good friends, great proximity to tons of cool things to do with other home edders, lots of funky folks in the neighbourhood, a cool pub, a new Deli (finally)...the list goes on and on.

BUT something inside me has shifted. The doubts and anxieties I have about a going to a new area are bothering me much less. Joel too, I think. We've found a house we really like and the more we visit the better it feels, so now it's just a waiting game. Of course we have to carry on as normal and enjoy our lives here, despite the knowledge that there's somewhere else calling us. I'm trying not to be impatient, well aware it could take a long time to sell, but keen to get on with building our future.

It's not really a problem living in limbo, in fact, it feels good having more clarity about where we want to be. Hopefully that energy will move things along for us soon.

The Boo Birthday

Five years and 1 week ago I had a 7 day old baby in my arms. Esme was, without doubt, the best birthday gift I could have ever wished for.

Well, last weekend it was my birthday (again) and I didn't get a baby this time, but I did have a really cool time with my beautiful family and lots of friends around me. It was pretty much perfect for me actually.

I did a yoga and meditation workshop on the Saturday morning with an old teacher I used to go to classes with a VERY long time ago. It was great to see him, hear his voice and to really feel how gentle his approach to life is. It was most affirming. 

I had a slightly odd sense I was in a time warp as the workshop was held in the same school hall I used to mope along to for yoga twice a week when I was a student. It's funny how back then I really didn't appreciate how much time I had to practice, write, cook, go for a run, chat on the phone, and the list goes on.... When I think now what I could have achieved then IF I'd bothered to get off my backside....ugh. And now I'm squeezing my yoga practice and everything else I want to do into an hour or two in the evening. With age comes wisdom?... or was it the kids that gave me that insight here?! Anyway I digress....

On the Sunday (my birthday) we went to a Puppet Festival at the Boo, home of the Horse and Bamboo Theatre and saw some wonderful performances...

Hippochondriac .... a bit hit with Magnus who (after a long time plucking up courage) enjoyed tickling the hippo's nose with a feather duster tickling stick!

And Storm in a Teacup , which was just stunningly beautiful. I couldn't really imagine how this story was going to be presented, but it was fabulous- crafted so cleverly and creatively.  It was so delightful; a really meaningful story, visually stunning, funny and engaging and with lovely music.We were all enthralled, and I was slightly shocked to be moved to tears at several points in the performance! 

Afterwards we were allowed to meet the performers, explore the set, handle the puppets and masks and ask questions...

I wondered if this might demystify the magical feel of the show for the children but actually it served to add intrigue. The seamless performance, which had appeared to be very simple, was obviously planned with great precision and carefully choreographed. It gave the children a few insights into how they could start to create their own fantastic theatrical puppet masterpieces, they were still rapt!...

It was such a privilege to see this show and I am still moved inside when I think how much we all enjoyed it now.

I've been thinking of getting my children involved in some sort of "drama" but going to the Boo really clarified that for now I want them to be exposed to truly creative theatre, gentle storytelling and artistry rather than more show-y off-y theatre/ (poorly) regurgitated West End musicals or anything too heavyweight. It's fab we have the time and freedom to pursue this since Esme is not at school. 

After the puppets we took over a big table for tea in a local cafe with my family and plenty of chums who had all debunked from Manchester up into the hills for the day. 

I came home feeling very loved and very, very lucky. I'm so, so grateful for all this. Thank you everyone ;)

Anglesey

Last weekend we were invited to go camping in Anglesey with some lovely folks, so we went. It sounds so simple but it took a whole 2 weeks of deliberation for us to decide to pack the car and go. We ended up making a snap decision, frantically packing up and driving into the evening on Friday. We pitched the tent with seconds to go before the light disappeared completely!

I'm so glad we went. It was such a beautiful place and we were extremely lucky to have a gloriously sunny day at the beach.

It was Esme's 5th Birthday, which felt almost as momentous as us hot-footing it out of the city. How can it be 5 years since she was born?! Esme was delighted to be around friends and running wild and free. Five is suiting her so far. My beautiful, thoughtful, happy little girl. I love her so much.

Magnus is asking to go camping again and keeps saying "beach...again....soon"

Even Bruce did lots he things he wouldn't normally....

....well, almost! He did sit in a different place!

We found loads of dead crabs, saw jellyfish in the sea and were all delighted when one of the Dads found this dogfish egg, you could see the baby fish's heart pulsing inside and it was moving about.

We shared food, the children, washing up, stories, thoughts, hopes, fears and even thermal underwear....hehe!
We had such a good time with wonderful people, it was so relaxing.

I feel a real shift for our family, a burgeoning sense of adventure and a new willingness to explore and grow together outside our comfort zones.

This is a good example I suppose...I'm putting pictures on my blog at last!... though I can't take any credit for these. They're all courtesy of Joel for now (thanks love). I'll need to work on expanding my comfort zone with photography ;)

Procrastinating

I'm putting off writing some emails, distracting myself playing with wordle.net. again....
It's so cool. I entered my blog address and it came up with this .
Thought I would share ;)

Dynamic

Isn't that a great word?

Dynamic yoga: I'm still feeling pretty obsessed with yoga practice, and I'm doing ok with just fitting it in wherever I can....it must nearly be a habit now?! I knew I'd changed a lot but how I'm approaching yoga is showing me just how much my perspective and personality has expanded, how different I am. There's no struggle, I'm just really really happy to be enjoying it which makes it easier to practice and then I enjoy it and the positive circle goes on, or so I hope :)

Dynamic life: okay so life is always dynamic, ever-changing. But it feels like there's a lot of stuff in my life shifting at the moment. Constant physical activity, emotional change, progression, new ideas, lots of variations in intensity with all of the above. It's exciting....

My new aspiration is to start uploading my photos more regularly and actually blog about the things my family is doing.... lest I seem like I'm just (podgy) navel gazing all day!

I'm missing you Sue-Ann, hope all is well as can be, thinking of you down under and sending lots of love XXX