n
1. a measure of the amount anything weighs
I'm not sure how I've done it but I'm as heavy as I was when I was just about to have M. I lost almost all the extra after he arrived, but somehow I've put it all back on again through mindless picking at food I don't really need, excessive consumption of delicious home-baked goodies and out of control portion sizes (of healthy wholefoods, but still...).
I also do next to no exercise other than running about after the children all day every day. This sounds like so many of the slimming stories I've read over the years. At least I seem to have plateaued, for now.... ;(
I carry it well, but this is a mixed blessing really as it's tempting to think "aw stop beating yourself up, you don't look too bad". But I feel wobbly and unfit, and I have a wardrobe full of clothes I can't get into so I have to fathom a way of slimming down a bit without dieting. I can't stand dieting and it doesn't work so I just need to be mindful of what goes in and expend some more energy. Not sure where that energy is going to come from yet....
2. an oppressive force the weight of cares
I'm really feeling my responsibilities. I know everybody has it hard, and we all have to do what we have to do to keep going and stay happy and healthy with it. But isn't it hard? Esme went off with a friend for a few hours last Friday, and Joel came home early so I cooked dinner without minding two children at the same time. It was so relaxing and easy just to do it with focussed attention on the task at hand. I realised how much stress I have all day every day just by virtue of being in the company of two children all the time. I am also making silly mistakes and being very forgetful because I am constantly doing 50 million things at once. I love being with the kids so much but I am so, so tired and finding it really hard to get back to feeling groovy. I think this has a lot to do with my comfort eating.
3. importance - the quality of being important and worthy of note
All this matters a lot to me.
I think I know what I have to do, I just have to do it!
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2 comments:
1. It was a delight having E. the other day (which I can say because it wasn't me, it was C. but he had no complaints) so anytime...
2. The Unbearable Lightness of Being - a must read if you haven't already...
Sx
PS and THANK-YOU for the malt loaf, the cup of tea, and the heart-to-hearts around your table.
PPS Elephant fabric in the bathroom looks totally fab.
lets share the load of this weight. Like I said today, I'll really happily have Esme. I know I can mention times to you, but also just ask too. I work Wednesdays, and about two or three other days in a month, (i.e. not that much!), so can be pretty flexible. I've always loved having other children. As the Mum who didn't 'go back to work', I so appreciate the other Mums who are about and their children who are not packed off to nursery and school five days a week. The afternoon felt so magical with the children. I know Magnus was tired, and that was hard for you, but the delight of witnessing and joining in with Luna, Teds and Es as the found their groove was such a pleasure.
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