Myself and the said group of lovely friends are in the process of setting up a Natural Parenting Group, with support from a local SureStart centre. Whilst trying to explain our (as yet slightly hazy) philosophy I mentioned ECing, and received a look of total bewilderment. The worker I was chatting to was very interested, if slightly stunned, and asked a lot of questions. I realised that I've not really shared space with anyone in the real world of "normal" parenting for a while. I haven't deliberately withdrawn my family, I guess we're just really lucky to have a fair few like-minded mates. Anyway, it hadn't occurred to me that someone would never have heard of EC. Oh dear!...I really have had my head in the clouds....or perhaps the sand?!
Anyway, it was nice to be reminded of the real significance of my slightly leftfield parenting practices. Without wishing to sound superior, I think following an attached way of parenting, placing real value on peacefulness and respecting children is pretty pioneering compared to what I perceive as our cultural norm.
I also realised I've changed. Since I was first pregnant with M I've found it difficult to be overly concerned with the politics of parenting. Anything other than nesting and dealing with my brood has been too much for my poor sleep deprived brain to consider. But now it feels quite nice to have had my "passions" lie dormant. My opinions are more or less unchanged, but I've become softer, less ardent. I have no desire whatsoever to try and convert people to my way of thinking (did I ever?) or to justify my position.
Lao Tzu said:
"And so the wise
shape without cutting,
square without sawing,
true without forcing.
They are the light that does not shine." *
Dare I say it?
Perhaps, and it's a VERY BIG perhaps, I've become a wee bit wiser, in this respect at least: I'm not cutting, sawing or forcing. Now what, if anything, do I do instead?...
This was my roundabout way of saying that EC has shown me the Way. Again ;)
*Taken from Verse 58 - Living with Change
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4 comments:
Love this post, by living your ideal without struggle and being happy in it you've far more influence on the world than getting into the politics of it all! The politics has it's place but for me I'm more peaceful and able to communicate more positively when I'm not focussed on it for certain aspects of mothering that mean the most to me!
Sarah, I wish I knew you irl. Really. I really do.
It's so true what you say for me too. I hope to show other parents a better, imo, way to do things by example. I don't want to change anyone- mainly because I know it's not possible but I really want to BE the change I wish to see in other parents and my friends- as cheesey as that is. I want the way I am to speak for itself.
What also has come in time is a confidence that leads me never to feel defensive if others don't agree with me. Don't agree? Great, we can agree to disagree. I'll continue to do what I do because I think it's the best way and I'm not going to hide it because you don't agree.
All that being said, I am kinda surprised when I get out there with other parents and the "mainstream" in general. Sad and upsetting feelings can also be triggered when I see choices made that hurt their families or their children.
What lovely comments from two extremely wise women...wow.
Fiona, you are such a role model for me both with your beautiful girls and especially in how you communicate positively all the time, thank you so much.
Annie, aw shucks, I'm blushing. I actually feel like I do know you from your wonderful blogging, and I definitely think of you as a real friend even if it's not irl ;) That said I would love to sample your life over there (and your bread!), everything looks so clean and wholesome and so different from here. Maybe we could stop by for a cuppa with you guys one day, once you've settled in Prince Rupert of course ;)
Big nods to everything you've said, it's nice to feel mellow about being on a different path to others. I suspect I will have some surprises and trauma the more I begin to brush against "normality" in the future...
Thanks again for the positive vibes you've sent my way. Much love XXX
ahhh Sarah, if only you could see me barking at them all when we're trying to get out of the house to go anywhere!! E and M are truly lovely and a credit to you giving them so, so much.
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