"Once your consciousness has been raised, it cannot be lowered"

My parenting journey, our home educating family and some other stuff here and there....


Friday 20 February 2009

Closeness

It usually happens that when I acknowledge something, or talk about it (NOT bragging!...) it cocks up what we've had going on, so I feel slightly reluctant to comment too much on our EC journey at the moment! Suffice to say, all is well ;)

I managed to pee M in the middle of IKEA today. It was less attention grabbing than breastfeeding him! He has a bit of a toilet aversion and prefers to go outside or on his little bowl. I had tried to get him to go on the loo but he wouldn't. I knew he needed a wee in the pot plant bit so I sat on the little kids stool by the play bit and he had a BIG wee. We seem quite attuned at the moment, it's lovely.

I really miss having this sense of closeness with my big-little girl, and wonder if and when I'll ever rediscover this with her. It's there in fleeting moments: when we cook and bake, snuggling, reading, painting, talking and holding hands when we walk, but far less predictable or constant than with M. I suppose that's what letting kids grow up is about to a certain extent, growing apart. Since M's been here it's been much harder to connect with her, and I sense I need to give more to her, make more effort to stay in tune. As M's first birthday approaches I feel more than a twinge of sadness when I think of it being whole year since I was totally hers. My sweet and lovely baby girl. 

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yay for pees- and plants. I have a pul wet bag that opens on the length side and it doubles as a potty if I need it too. Perfect in a pinch because it fits in my bag like a small magazine. It won't hold the pee a long time afterwards but it's recognisable to pee in and perfect when you're stuck inside and there's no plants! Ha.

Ah, closeness. I sometimes found it hard to stay connected with my dd after my ds was born. It's getting easier and easier though to find those moments to collect and reconnect. I hope you can find those moments more too... Warmly....

Sarah said...

I should probably clarify that I didn't let M pee in the pot plants in IKEA, we just used them as camouflage whilst he sat on the little mixing bowl I carry about! Your little bag sounds like a much better idea, the bowl is a bit cumbersome.

Thanks for your warm wishes X