one of those days.....

It may be a little odd to start with no background, explanation of who I am, what I do etc... but I have to start somewhere, and today has been a fairly tough one to get to grips with so I feel more inclined to reflect than to try and make my profile glitter and all that.

I realised tonight that I am struggling along a bit these days because I have never really, truly *had* to do anything before.

Lots of things I've loved doing with my life have fallen by the wayside when I came to a sticky point with them. I am a mediocre pianist, perhaps that's too generous. I speak a little German. Even less Spanish and French. I've done so many jobs I don't care to think about it, most of them quite badly! I really knew how to "do" school, and on the surface I was a high achiever, but i didn't actually learn very much. I've mainly not practised yoga for 10 years.

Whenever I've been challenged I have managed to avoid practice and hard work, and lacked the determination required to push myself to break through the barriers, hence I have no notable accomplishments. Am I lazy? Unmotivated? Afraid of failure?....all of those things and more?

With parenting, I can't just give up. Today for a while I really, really wanted to.

Perhaps that's why I'm having more and more of these days: I'm meeting the sort of obstacles I usually run a mile from. But my children can't be a pair of crochet slippers that only cover one toe.

I really hope that's not too negative for a starting point, it's just where I'm at this evening.