Birthing my babies

Esme's birth, July 2005


I've written a lot about Esme's birth, I found it a therapeutic tool for what was undoubtedly the biggest trauma of my life, but I'll not to subject you to the full details. 


Esme was discovered to be breech at 38 weeks, I had a failed ECV to try and turn her and also tried just about every hocus pocus alternative thing to get her to move so my plans for a homebirth wouldn't be scuppered. But she wouldn't budge, stubborn baby! 


I was really well prepared and researched breech birth so I knew if it was going to happen safely everything would progress normally and I could just relax and get on with it. After a bit of a false start my labour was going brilliantly at home, but I was forced to go into the hospital. The medics freaked out and prepped me for a section before examining me, and without telling me or getting my consent. When they bothered to check me over I was fully dilated and ready, desperately ready to push her out. She was almost born. In retrospect, the way I was treated was so frightening for me that my contractions stopped completely and my body, surging with adrenaline, started to close up, ready to run as it were. There was no way I could relax enough to get back to where I had been after being assaulted and humiliated. After several hours of "failing to progress" (despite my absolute best efforts) I gave up fighting and went to theatre in floods of tears.


My anger and sadness about this has never really subsided and I still struggle now with grief that my beautiful first child was denied her passage into the world. 


Magnus' birth, March 2008 


Magnus was born at home, into water after an uncomplicated labour. It was possibly the best experience of my life. 


I had a fantastic Independent Midwife, Jo Watson, who I will be forever grateful to for her support, intuition and love. 


Magnus' birth story is online at http://www.vbac.co.uk/stories/story.php?s=sarahg